Better Left Unsaid

Thought you would find this amusing.

Yesterday, on my way home from work, I stopped at the shop and DVD store to stock up for a much-anticipated night of lounging. I made a selection of comedies and waited patiently for the new guy working there to help me.

He sifted through the movies silently until he got to “Friends With Benefits” which made him pause and glance up at me with a seedy grin. “This…. Is a very nice movie, neh? Very, very nice… You watch it with your husband….”

After a few moments I realised he was waiting for me to say something, so I just nodded politely.
He was somewhat less than deterred.

“You do…. HAVE a husband, no?” This last comment accompanied by what can only be described as a greasy smile as his eyes travelled slowly downwards away from my face and back again.

I said no….................. *mistaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!!!!*

His face immediately morphed into an expression of pure concern….. “IS NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU ALREADY????”

Oh my fucking God. That was it, right there. A low point. When a man who works in a movie store in his thirties, with hair so dirty it looked wet, was convinced that I was past MY expiration date for marriage.

Needless to say, I bought extra chocolate on my way out.

Now.... stop laughing and carry on about your day, you bitches!!

PRK

PRK... the Ninja??

Decided to do a cocktail night at Primi (one of many) recently…

When the bill arrived, between the three of us we were somewhat short. So my friend and I (for reasons revealed shortly, dear reader, we will call him Stuntman Mike) took a quick walk out into the mall to find an ATM.

Wellll…. Did that fresh air ever hit ME hard.

Suddenly, Stuntman Mike took off to a galloping sprint for the nearest wall and, to my absolute amazement, jumped up AGAINST it first with one foot, then even higher, with the other (for want of a better description) and landed, effortlessly, on his feet, turning and giving me a grin.

I am a little ashamed to say that I was inspired and invincible at the time (a dangerous combination) and called out in my picture perfect sobriety, “Fuck yeah!” and took off in a similar, yet somewhat less fast or impressive sprint for another wall.

*she jumps*
*one foot presses against the wall*
*she goes hurtling sideways towards the ground*

Once I was standing again…. I turned to look at the wall that defeated me. The mark from the ONE foot that actually got the wall….. was a mere 30cm above the ground.

Facepalm.

PRK

2012 Welcome

Another day another dollar. Another year, another…… yollar….. that can’t be right, never mind!

Welcome to 2012 people!! Wishing you happiness, laughter and all that cliché crap.

Back at the old work mill again and feels like I never left…. The memories of a free happy holiday fading slowly into the abyss of this monitor light. Will miss the late mornings, will NOT miss the Mariah Carey Christmas carols….

Have decided NOT to make changing my weight a resolution this year, but rather to work on confidence itself and accept the things that I have failed for years to change – weight and the love life. *It aint happening, sister, wooosa, have an enormous drink, acceptance, move on.*

I DO, however, want to put some effort into GETTING OUT MORE this year. Visiting some scattered friends across the country – Maritzburg, Toti and of course my beloved Jozi….. J The Facebook photo album is looking sad, needs replenishment.

With those few things on the “Change” List, I do have a great feeling for the upcoming year. Considering it might be our last one (BAHAHAHAH!!!!) – let’s all make the absolute most of it.

PRK

Freedom of Expression...?

So, in spirit of Black Tuesday, I thought I would share this interesting little snack.

Did you know: In Pakistan there is actually a LIST of words that the Pakistan Telecommunications Authority has reported as offensive and are having banned from telephone messages. The list is already at an alarming content of roughly 1600 words!!!

So…. If you are planning a sunny, sandy fun-filled vacation in Pakistan in the near future, take PRK’s advice and refrain from adding some of the following VULGAR and OFFENSIVE words in your text messages:

Intercourse

Breast

Period

Flatulence

Strap-on

Beat your meat

Crotch rot

Love pistol

Pocket pool

Deposit

Quickie

Monkey crotch

**(Lord, it’s like my entire SMS vocabulary… but carrying on)**

Wuutang

Jesus Christ

Condom

Glazed donut  (no, I am not making this shit up)

The list just keeps growing…. I believe some of the latest additions now include “gay”, “lesbian”, “Fairy” and “homosexual”.

Stupidity…. It truly never ceases to amaze me.

PRK

With Great Love Comes Great Responsibility

Does love really ensure monogamy? …..  more importantly, SHOULD it?

What do the words “I love you” really translate as?

I only want you and nobody else?
You are the only person I am physically attracted to?
You can trust me to never do anything that will hurt you?
Relax, I am never going to feel this way about anybody else ever again?

No…. “I love you” simply means that, just that. I have strong feelings for you. Right now. The person I am now is in love with the person you are now. Whether that feeling lasts or not is out of our hands in the long run because we have no control over the future.

Why does loving someone come with all this extra responsibility? We start expecting so many things from someone the moment that fateful confession is made, and then wonder what went wrong when it’s over.

He loves me, so he will accept everything about me no matter how much I change. He loves me, so he will always put me first – above everyone and everything.……….He loves me, so he will never have any reason to leave me……….. He loves me, so he will never cheat……

Here is the universal truth – Even assholes fall in love. And it does not change them.

Why should it? STOP EXPECTING IT TO!!

Suddenly developing feelings for someone leaves us feeling terrified that we aren’t going to live up to the standard that has been set by society. That we have to change aspects of who we really are JUST to get it right.

No, Love has to become a committed relationship stuffed with rules – which in turn has to become a marriage (because, really, according to the Pattern, what else is the point)….. which then just adds to the pressure of starting a family, the logical next step, not?

Everybody is different, so why should everybody love in the same way?

Why isn’t Love itself just enough for anyone?

PRK

Videotaped in front of a Live Studio Audience

Do you ever feel as though you are living your life on an imaginary stage? Like there is some unseen audience waiting in anticipation to see how you are going to react to a situation that has been carefully planned out?

Now, don't panic!! Those of you who know me personally know that I am not religious, so I am not taking this down THAT route. Fret not, brethren.

Sometimes there are scenarios that are just tooooo perfectly timed. I, personally, live for those moments.

I was sitting at my desk the other day, and the most APPALLING radio station was selected by my (very Capetonian) colleague. As a terrible throng of music came wailing out of the radio, including Cher (Believe) - Greg sticks his head out of his office and shouts --- "What!? Is it the Lesbian Power Half Hour out there today?"

And, as if to confirm his statement, "I'm Every Woman" starts playing.

....

........

A brief silence pursued, followed by outrageous laughter.

As I said... tooooo perfect! Here's wishing you all as many of these moments as you can handle.


PRK

Jou Ma!!!!!

Yesterday, after work, I took a walk to the shops on the corner and was bustling up and down getting food and movies. As I was walking along the pavement to pick up my take-ways, the two car guards that stand there every day got into a loud fight (Coloured man and woman, each sporting what in SA is fondly referred to as pap-bek.... and nobody wears those QUITE as comically as they do here in Cape Town!)

I had only just turned my full attention to this animated pair, when *ZIP* the man BOLTS out into the street running away from her, only barely avoids getting hit by a car and turns around in her direction with a large toothless grin and gives a little jig(The tune for Nya nya nya nya NYAAAAAAAA NYAAA!!!!! comes to mind).

I was watching him with wild amusement when his dance was abruptly cut short by an object FLYING towards him and straight past his head! A pole, about a metre long. This rapidly changed his jig into..... yes..... more running.

After that... I am going to be ALOT more cautious when saying No to her requests for small change.... I may be impaled from behind....

What a way to go...

PRK