I have done the UNTHINKABLY STUPID task of joining a gym…. Yes. ME…
Truth be told, if I have to rely on good weather to go walking or jogging in the Supermodel City – I wont get anywhere, unless I manage to fashion a stylish one-piece out of refuse bags and don’t particularly mind resembling a plastic version of Cousin It while I mosey along in the rain.... but then I stand the risk of being shot in the ass or scaring small children.
So there we have it --- PRK… and her first day at the gym…
The most gorgeous trainer (BONUS!) showed me the equipment and laughed his way through my first attempts (not such a bonus) --- bright and shiny moment - I rock. I don’t think there is an upside to a perfectly gorgeous man seeing your strained face in a fluorescent lit room while you agonise through the most basic level of toning weights available…. That shit is embarrassing…. Imagine the face you would pull if were running in the dark and your toe connected with a table-leg, and because it was dark you didn’t disguise the pain… Yep – something like that.
Oh hang on – it does, in fact, get worse….
While I am trying to cling to my dignity and suck the beer belly in and keep the mouth-breathing to a minimum I glance around to find that I am surrounded by young UCT students who are parading around in what could pass off as swimwear in some countries. Sprinting along on the treadmills with the greatest of ease…I am guessing that they don’t even know what stretch marks are.
(...“please fall…. Please fall… please fall….”...)
I feel they should set times or days at gyms for different sizes… More on this is bound to come up soon – like the unavoidable day that I am going to be running on the treadmill, sneaking looks at some hottie, slip and get flung across the room like a Frisbee….
Watch this space peeps!!
PRK
