2012 -- The First Year of Firsts

And so, as the year draws to a close, I am settling in nicely in my new KatCave and reflecting on the year I have just had. It’s been wonderful.  A lot of firsts this year – I feel the need to continue this in 2013, and I highly recommend it to anyone reading this!!

Went on my first proper hike this year – decided to join some friends in challenging Lions Head first thing on a Sunday morning. Lions Head saw me coming, all determined, and it laughed. Lovely hot morning, and me trying to breathe quietly while keeping up with the group, scowling at the dude showing off by RUNNING ahead and waiting at the top (superhuman @sshole)…. I didn’t manage to finish – not because I felt like I was going into cardiac arrest (which I did), but because I reached the point where a web of chains and ladders were required to reach the top and my mind deserted me and went to its Happy Place, leaving my head to be the only thing moving on my entire body – vigorously from side to side.

My very first massage!! Sweet Jesus…. First and not last!! We found a tiny place tucked away in Table View, with a very reasonable special on full body massages. So off we went – Girls Day! After the initial embarrassment of Win-The-Masseus-From-Heaven indicating to me that I need to strip down and how I am SUPPOSED to be lying we were off.  Being THAT naked caused me to attempt shy chatter (hilarious, as Win doesn’t speak English) which was abruptly brought to a halt when she was doing my stomach and said “You…holiday? Eat! Eat! Eat!” – If I wasn’t ready to fall asleep, I would have been humiliated, instead I grinned lazily and lied, saying that I was indeed on holiday. And I still left that spa with an enormous girl-crush. Win baby, you changed my life.

My first night at a Gay Club. Hooooooooweeeee…. No need to say much here, you can just imagine how much fun that was! Nobody does it quite like Cape Town does it. Do yourself a favour!! The best make-up, hair, dressed and high heels in that place were being worn by singing men. A night to remember!

My first time attending an art exhibition -- amazing!!
My first time attending a book launch -- fun :)

Then of course, this year I started studying, better late than never! Long road ahead, and I look forward to it.

I also made a new start in a new flat – clean slate, all mine, a blank canvas for some new memories in the new year.

I am really looking forward to 2013, to seeing what it holds and what new experiences it has in store, and I feel that I face it as a new person, a happier person than I was one year ago.

I encourage you to try it, and I wish everyone a grand year of firsts!

PRK

Better Left Unsaid

Thought you would find this amusing.

Yesterday, on my way home from work, I stopped at the shop and DVD store to stock up for a much-anticipated night of lounging. I made a selection of comedies and waited patiently for the new guy working there to help me.

He sifted through the movies silently until he got to “Friends With Benefits” which made him pause and glance up at me with a seedy grin. “This…. Is a very nice movie, neh? Very, very nice… You watch it with your husband….”

After a few moments I realised he was waiting for me to say something, so I just nodded politely.
He was somewhat less than deterred.

“You do…. HAVE a husband, no?” This last comment accompanied by what can only be described as a greasy smile as his eyes travelled slowly downwards away from my face and back again.

I said no….................. *mistaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!!!!*

His face immediately morphed into an expression of pure concern….. “IS NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU ALREADY????”

Oh my fucking God. That was it, right there. A low point. When a man who works in a movie store in his thirties, with hair so dirty it looked wet, was convinced that I was past MY expiration date for marriage.

Needless to say, I bought extra chocolate on my way out.

Now.... stop laughing and carry on about your day, you bitches!!

PRK

PRK... the Ninja??

Decided to do a cocktail night at Primi (one of many) recently…

When the bill arrived, between the three of us we were somewhat short. So my friend and I (for reasons revealed shortly, dear reader, we will call him Stuntman Mike) took a quick walk out into the mall to find an ATM.

Wellll…. Did that fresh air ever hit ME hard.

Suddenly, Stuntman Mike took off to a galloping sprint for the nearest wall and, to my absolute amazement, jumped up AGAINST it first with one foot, then even higher, with the other (for want of a better description) and landed, effortlessly, on his feet, turning and giving me a grin.

I am a little ashamed to say that I was inspired and invincible at the time (a dangerous combination) and called out in my picture perfect sobriety, “Fuck yeah!” and took off in a similar, yet somewhat less fast or impressive sprint for another wall.

*she jumps*
*one foot presses against the wall*
*she goes hurtling sideways towards the ground*

Once I was standing again…. I turned to look at the wall that defeated me. The mark from the ONE foot that actually got the wall….. was a mere 30cm above the ground.

Facepalm.

PRK

2012 Welcome

Another day another dollar. Another year, another…… yollar….. that can’t be right, never mind!

Welcome to 2012 people!! Wishing you happiness, laughter and all that cliché crap.

Back at the old work mill again and feels like I never left…. The memories of a free happy holiday fading slowly into the abyss of this monitor light. Will miss the late mornings, will NOT miss the Mariah Carey Christmas carols….

Have decided NOT to make changing my weight a resolution this year, but rather to work on confidence itself and accept the things that I have failed for years to change – weight and the love life. *It aint happening, sister, wooosa, have an enormous drink, acceptance, move on.*

I DO, however, want to put some effort into GETTING OUT MORE this year. Visiting some scattered friends across the country – Maritzburg, Toti and of course my beloved Jozi….. J The Facebook photo album is looking sad, needs replenishment.

With those few things on the “Change” List, I do have a great feeling for the upcoming year. Considering it might be our last one (BAHAHAHAH!!!!) – let’s all make the absolute most of it.

PRK

Freedom of Expression...?

So, in spirit of Black Tuesday, I thought I would share this interesting little snack.

Did you know: In Pakistan there is actually a LIST of words that the Pakistan Telecommunications Authority has reported as offensive and are having banned from telephone messages. The list is already at an alarming content of roughly 1600 words!!!

So…. If you are planning a sunny, sandy fun-filled vacation in Pakistan in the near future, take PRK’s advice and refrain from adding some of the following VULGAR and OFFENSIVE words in your text messages:

Intercourse

Breast

Period

Flatulence

Strap-on

Beat your meat

Crotch rot

Love pistol

Pocket pool

Deposit

Quickie

Monkey crotch

**(Lord, it’s like my entire SMS vocabulary… but carrying on)**

Wuutang

Jesus Christ

Condom

Glazed donut  (no, I am not making this shit up)

The list just keeps growing…. I believe some of the latest additions now include “gay”, “lesbian”, “Fairy” and “homosexual”.

Stupidity…. It truly never ceases to amaze me.

PRK

With Great Love Comes Great Responsibility

Does love really ensure monogamy? …..  more importantly, SHOULD it?

What do the words “I love you” really translate as?

I only want you and nobody else?
You are the only person I am physically attracted to?
You can trust me to never do anything that will hurt you?
Relax, I am never going to feel this way about anybody else ever again?

No…. “I love you” simply means that, just that. I have strong feelings for you. Right now. The person I am now is in love with the person you are now. Whether that feeling lasts or not is out of our hands in the long run because we have no control over the future.

Why does loving someone come with all this extra responsibility? We start expecting so many things from someone the moment that fateful confession is made, and then wonder what went wrong when it’s over.

He loves me, so he will accept everything about me no matter how much I change. He loves me, so he will always put me first – above everyone and everything.……….He loves me, so he will never have any reason to leave me……….. He loves me, so he will never cheat……

Here is the universal truth – Even assholes fall in love. And it does not change them.

Why should it? STOP EXPECTING IT TO!!

Suddenly developing feelings for someone leaves us feeling terrified that we aren’t going to live up to the standard that has been set by society. That we have to change aspects of who we really are JUST to get it right.

No, Love has to become a committed relationship stuffed with rules – which in turn has to become a marriage (because, really, according to the Pattern, what else is the point)….. which then just adds to the pressure of starting a family, the logical next step, not?

Everybody is different, so why should everybody love in the same way?

Why isn’t Love itself just enough for anyone?

PRK

Videotaped in front of a Live Studio Audience

Do you ever feel as though you are living your life on an imaginary stage? Like there is some unseen audience waiting in anticipation to see how you are going to react to a situation that has been carefully planned out?

Now, don't panic!! Those of you who know me personally know that I am not religious, so I am not taking this down THAT route. Fret not, brethren.

Sometimes there are scenarios that are just tooooo perfectly timed. I, personally, live for those moments.

I was sitting at my desk the other day, and the most APPALLING radio station was selected by my (very Capetonian) colleague. As a terrible throng of music came wailing out of the radio, including Cher (Believe) - Greg sticks his head out of his office and shouts --- "What!? Is it the Lesbian Power Half Hour out there today?"

And, as if to confirm his statement, "I'm Every Woman" starts playing.

....

........

A brief silence pursued, followed by outrageous laughter.

As I said... tooooo perfect! Here's wishing you all as many of these moments as you can handle.


PRK

Jou Ma!!!!!

Yesterday, after work, I took a walk to the shops on the corner and was bustling up and down getting food and movies. As I was walking along the pavement to pick up my take-ways, the two car guards that stand there every day got into a loud fight (Coloured man and woman, each sporting what in SA is fondly referred to as pap-bek.... and nobody wears those QUITE as comically as they do here in Cape Town!)

I had only just turned my full attention to this animated pair, when *ZIP* the man BOLTS out into the street running away from her, only barely avoids getting hit by a car and turns around in her direction with a large toothless grin and gives a little jig(The tune for Nya nya nya nya NYAAAAAAAA NYAAA!!!!! comes to mind).

I was watching him with wild amusement when his dance was abruptly cut short by an object FLYING towards him and straight past his head! A pole, about a metre long. This rapidly changed his jig into..... yes..... more running.

After that... I am going to be ALOT more cautious when saying No to her requests for small change.... I may be impaled from behind....

What a way to go...

PRK

Half a Century of Classic Awesomeness

So my lovely sister is here from Johannesburg this for her THIRTIETH birthday. It also just so happens that our younger brother turns TWENTY in three days…… Why am I starting to feel like the only unplanned child here…..hmmmmmm…… moving on!!

To celebrate these two big birthdays I will be hosting a sleepover at my flat for the three of us and the plan is to go out on a good old-fashioned bender. The good thing about the Supermodel City is that it is still pretty safe to walk home from the pub at 3am and not be constantly prepared to break into a run to avoid a gang ass-raping. (bonus)

This will be the first time the three of us are out drinking together, strangely. I see some hugely hilarious events coming up that I will (by obligation) be bringing onto these bloggy blog pages….. stay tuned.

For now though…. Let me get soppy for one moment and say a combined Happy Birthday to them both. The strongest, funniest pair of bastards I know. Let’s make this the hugest party celebrating the funkiest combined 50 years…. I promise to keep the blackmail photos to a minimum.
Love you both – yes, I am using the word Love here.

PRK

Im... Too sexy for my pants...

One of the guys who rents from us affectionately refers to himself as The Rodder. (Paints a picture already, right?) He is a middle-aged white man, with absolutely no sense of personal space or appropriate behaviour.

Now, "The Rodder" has a secretary, who got really angry with him one day and decided to reveal to us that he ALWAYS sits at his desk playing with his cock. I have, since, battled to look at him the same.

Today, with the new phone lines being installed, I went to him to confirm his requirements and while I was talking to him, he stood in front of me (tall dude) with both hands in his pockets and "adjusted" his underpants in the front. And not subtly either -- he bent his legs OUTWARDS as if the undies were really jammed in there...

Now --- can you just imagine the look on my face???

Rich people.... Where are they FROM??


PRK

Lemmings

Marriage…. Now there is an interesting subject…

A little sensitive in some cases…. But an interesting topic.

I was watching “He’s Just Not That Into You” recently and Ben Affleck’s yummy character gives his argument on how unnecessary the entire institution is. Friends don’t race off to make their friendship official – why do people in relationships?

I am not as entirely opposed to the idea as THAT… but I do firmly believe that it’s not a path for everyone. The high divorce rate is certainly proof!!!

There are some couples who were simply meant for one another… it’s clear to both them and everyone around them. And to them I truly do wish every happiness (you know who you are!).

But then!! You get those people – and I am going to blame the women for this one!! – who get married because “since I was a little girl I have imagined my wedding day…” – sound familiar? (**telepathic face-five**) Never mind the fact that you are in a relationship with a man who you can’t really see eye-to-eye with. Or that secretly, you are just planning a wedding to add some excitement to the dull day-to-day routine that you have slipped into.

Hmmmm…. Perhaps I am being too cynical. Hahahahha :)


PRK

2010 - aaaaaare yoooooooouu readyyyyyy???

New Year, new beginning, new blog layout!!!

I know it is extremely delayed – but here is wishing you a fantastic New Year, and hoping that it brings loads of good things.

My resolutions are simple this time around --- save up enough money to go on an amazing European trip with my esteemed Amigo next year and learn to play my new guitar like a f*cking rock star. Oh, and I think that actually attending OppiKoppi is a must this year!

The year is off to a pretty interesting start so far – this weekend I am going to the wedding of one of my closest friends and the girl of his dreams. Feels a little strange that after this weekend he will be a responsible married man / homeowner / lawnmower. Next comes the rugby team of mini-me’s!! Best I wear my waterproof mascara and prepare my stomach for the certain row of suitcases I will be downing at the cash bar!!! Man – the hangover on the flight back is going to be fun….

My visits to Jo’burg just get harder and harder to anticipate. I get all excited about seeing everyone again, and the drinking sessions and the catching up and that wonderfully comforting sense of belonging…. That euphoria is always closely followed by the sinking dread of, once again, saying goodbye to all of that. Bittersweet.

Such is life – “with the sweets, comes the sours”

Watch this space – going to work hard on making this an interesting blog this year.



PRK

Step Two to Being the next Rachel Bilson

I am currently attempting a Detox… for two weeks….

I am only on Day 3 and already feeling it, not in the good glowing-never-felt-better-or-healthier way … but in the oh-my-god-kill-me-now-I-want-a-cheeseburger way…. I am hoping it gets easier as the days go!

Mr CT is being really supportive and has decided to attempt this “enormous” task with me. He is already having beer cravings.. I think those may have started within the first 20 minutes…

Speaking of cravings, it’s funny how simply knowing you cannot have something makes you crazy for it, isn’t it? Human nature will never cease to AMUSE me.

The thing that I have battled with the most so far, funny enough, is the no coffee or sugar rule. These were items I never really worried too much with on a regular basis, thinking I was totally balanced there, but now I miss each and every cup. When Lovely-Rose comes around with that 10:00am cuppa joe and skips my desk I feel like the brave heroine at the end of a black and white movie – fighting back the tears as she watches her true love ride / fly off into the sunset…. (….”goodbye Java…. I will always love you”…..)

So in light of this, I have decided to extend a challenge, to myself and to anyone else who is interested..

Lets call it the Coffee Challenge.

Take one habit that you know you have, and totally erase it from today – it does not have to be food (I, for example am taking Complaining.... me, never....). See if you can go a day without it. Better yet – make it two days. Let’s see if this causes some type of wake up – an eye-opener to how much you exercise your bad habits without even realizing it…

Maybe the mind could use a bit of cleansing, too....


Let me know how you do.


PRK

AND... LIFT.... hold.... hold..... and RE-LEASE...

I have done the UNTHINKABLY STUPID task of joining a gym…. Yes. ME…

Truth be told, if I have to rely on good weather to go walking or jogging in the Supermodel City – I wont get anywhere, unless I manage to fashion a stylish one-piece out of refuse bags and don’t particularly mind resembling a plastic version of Cousin It while I mosey along in the rain.... but then I stand the risk of being shot in the ass or scaring small children.

So there we have it --- PRK… and her first day at the gym…

The most gorgeous trainer (BONUS!) showed me the equipment and laughed his way through my first attempts (not such a bonus) --- bright and shiny moment - I rock. I don’t think there is an upside to a perfectly gorgeous man seeing your strained face in a fluorescent lit room while you agonise through the most basic level of toning weights available…. That shit is embarrassing…. Imagine the face you would pull if were running in the dark and your toe connected with a table-leg, and because it was dark you didn’t disguise the pain… Yep – something like that.

Oh hang on – it does, in fact, get worse….

While I am trying to cling to my dignity and suck the beer belly in and keep the mouth-breathing to a minimum I glance around to find that I am surrounded by young UCT students who are parading around in what could pass off as swimwear in some countries. Sprinting along on the treadmills with the greatest of ease…I am guessing that they don’t even know what stretch marks are.

(...“please fall…. Please fall… please fall….”...)

I feel they should set times or days at gyms for different sizes… More on this is bound to come up soon – like the unavoidable day that I am going to be running on the treadmill, sneaking looks at some hottie, slip and get flung across the room like a Frisbee….

Watch this space peeps!!

PRK

The Jellybean Field and Other Adventures

Sincerest apologies for the prolonged silence emanating from my cubicle!! I am not dead… like that guy in the scary story that everyone has no doubt heard by now… I have been given this peculiar little thing to do around the office which has kept me quite busy…. Something called W-O-R-K… I think that is how its spelled..

The next Adventures are upon me!!!

The first is a joint venture with a lovely, lovely little lady bug I have come a long way with. An online book club we will be calling The Jellybean Field. Still in the early phases of shooting design and section ideas around – but let me say – its going to be a GOODIE people!! The by-product of some true geniuses at work!

Next on the “To Do” List – a trip to my beloved Johannesburg this coming September… haven’t had a good life-fearing experience since last night when I skillfully avoided a road-block.. Not sure how much of the trip I will remember but there will be a (possibly short) update.

And as off the beginning of August I will be attempting … SALSA CLASSES – as if belly-dancing’s co-ordination was not complicated enough for my fat ass. And these classes will be carried out in high heels… I will do what I can to keep my fingers in tact – but my ankles are in grave danger!! I feel it only fair to warn you in advance that this will be radiating a lot of my future moaning.

More later!!


PRK

What's Worse Than a Hangover?

I may or may not have already mentioned that Mr CT and I live in a flat in a fairly busy part of Supermodel City.

Regardless of how much hustle and bustle there is on the streets – Sunday mornings are the most terrifying times for us to step foot out the front door..

Let me illustrate..

After a relatively rowdy Saturday night we wake up this particularly fateful Sunday morning, heads abuzz and decide to do the laze-around-the-house thing. We take a quick walk to the café on the corner (to the right) to get some milk for coffee and on the walk back we see them…. Three of them, in broad daylight, approaching our flat entrance, pamphlets under arms…. It froze us in horror.

Jehovah’s Witnesses….!!!!!

We rush to hide around the nearest corner and watch them from a distance, planted to the spot and ringing each and every button on the intercom in the hope that someone will let them into our building. Casually we cross the street to stand around at the fabulous Jacqui Daya where we draw the attention of a few folks sitting outside having their breakfast, which, at this point we are DYING for.

We assume position behind a 4x4… Still standing there! What’s it been now? Like 10 minutes? This milk is getting heavy!! We give up and decide to continue walking, briskly, in the opposite direction to the DVD store, on foot, to make our selection for the day… milk in tow.
We eventually got home an hour after leaving.. heavier hangover than ever due to the dehydration caused by all that walking.

As we finally settled down with a flick and a large greasy breakfast we made a pact… From now on, everywhere we go on a Sunday, even if it’s the corner – we DRIVE!

What's worse than a hangover? Pretending to look INTERESTED when you have a hangover.



PRK

My Life - The string of Tuesdays...

I have an urge for some adventure. I mean REAL adventure. The kind where you pack a good friend or two into your car with some good music and barely enough money to take you over a week and just… disappear. No planned destination, just a direction and some great company.

I need that. Who DOESN’T need that???!!!???

A few temper tantrums, a guaranteed flat tyre, some reminiscing, lots of booze, sleazy camp sites, pissing in the bushes, photos galore and a reeling mind full of hilariously embarrassing moments.

I need to completely reset my mind, its just flooding up with negative thoughts. This silly little thing named Routine and I are not good friends at all. Something inside me screams for an escape from the ordinary, even if it’s just for a few days.

Perhaps that is why I feel so lonely so often… I need someone to share that enthusiasm with, someone as bat-shit crazy as I am to drop everything in a blink and scream “LETS DO IT!”. Someone who would throw me over their shoulder and whisk me off somewhere when I begin to get bored.

God only knows where I would be by now if that were the case… probably picking bananas in the Congo or some shit…. But I would be laughing… Laughing instead of fretting over how to make this work. How to get a routine going that I would be happy with. How to keep someone else happy. How to advance my career. Building a stable life sucks total dick!! The excitement dwindles and disappears and life becomes a string of Tuesdays complete with a load of washing and your favourite sitcom.

I think the definition of a soulmate is not someone who you can see yourself being content with for a long time – but someone who you never can predict, and you have faith in anyway. Life is not about the long term, it’s a moment to moment thing. If you can find someone who can always keep you excited and on your toes – hold on tight! Even if its in the form of a best friend or a family member who totally understands your level of passion for life and kwenches it regularly.

Ask yourself this – if I die tomorrow, will dying be the only thing left to do?
Less planning, more living people, c'mon...

PRK

Good Old Days...

So I was chatting to a dear friend of mine last night (who decided to carry out the oh-so-tedious task of utilizing his pregnant sister’s remaining free minutes) and we managed to chat up a storm for a total of about 45 minutes…. Much to the semi-irritation of Mr CT who was trying to busy himself around the flat for that period without watching the TV I had muted and planted my fat ass in front of.

We maintain a long-distance friendship…. I haven’t actually seen him since I was 12, yet he is one of the people I feel the most comfortable with and closest to.

I actually pride myself on the people I keep contact with, each person brings out a different side (Coca-Cola) of me. And all it takes is a phone call, an email or some time in their company to re-wire my brain and turn my thoughts in a different direction – politics, clothes, breaking some rules, drinking until I puke, or just simply releasing the zany humour and letting it run rampant.

Now this entire 45 minute chat consisted of about 2 minutes of serious topic and 43 minutes of shit-shooting, and I hung up the phone feeling as if I had just let a whole lot off my chest and was returning to semi-sanity. It's always good to get a dose of the friends who make you feel stable again – in any form possible. Even if all you do is adapt each other’s lame-o jokes and make fun of yourself.

I needed that. Was in a bit of a perpetually negative place before that call - but I'm back on top of things now and have regulated to my pervacious, crack-a-lacking self. hee haw. Expect more regular posts about my retarded points of view and opinions on ABSOLUTELY EVEYTHING you lucky, lucky followers.

(Thanks HIllbilly - Looking forward to our visit Coca-Cola, and the certain six-pack all the laughing and hurling will give me!)


PRK

The Character Machine...

I have to say; with a quarter of the year gone my resolution is going very well. I decided when this year began that it would be the year for CHANGE! In any form – just basically embrace some new-ness.

I think that I have totally taken it for granted that here in the Supermodel City nobody actually knows me.... I CAN BECOME ANYONE - without criticism!! That realisation made me wake up and grab this opportunity by the B-A-L-L-S!!

The blog started up. (A big welcome to my newest Reader by the way - Welcome!) And I have surprised myself by sticking to it. The dancing is going well – even though I still look like something of a hippopotamus. And now I have a walking routine getting in order and I am attempting the healthy eating thing (HARDY HAR – I will admit right now that I can’t promise anything on that one!)

So what next? How else can I improve the Rude-Kitty-Meister..?

A drastic hair change is in the cards….
So are guitar lessons….
Planning my first ever overseas trip…..

Herrrrmmm......

What about chef classes?? I(nteresting idea actually – I HAVE recently finally purchased a stove after 5 months of microwave cooking. I think that sounds good… watch this space for an update.)


An interesting question for the readers - If you could become anything, anyone... who and what would you be?

Now I will ask a second interesting question - What is stopping you??

“Poise Inspires Confidence”


PRK